Connory
Connory, Bard of the Hyperlanes, wrote four-line stanzas about notable or larger-than-life individuals he met in his travels. His verses, set to various simple tunes and frequently written while drunk, were passed around backwater cantinas and shadowports across the galaxy. Eventually, they would be painstakingly researched, correlated, collected and published as Connory, Bard of the Hyperlanes: The Definitive Collection, G.Q. Beorht and A.-E. Sorosel, eds., 87 ABY, University of Lianna Press. Some verses are re-printed here, along with their likely subjects. On occasion, Connory would add a fifth line, usually shouted or spoken tongue-in-cheek instead of sung, often for purposes of irony or further lampooning of the subject. Connory was reputed to travel under the name Rel, in the guise of a fugitive smuggler. Fadin Kurn was his traveling companion aboard the Mobquet Medium Transport Solid Sunrise. Later scholarship would, perhaps erroneously, attribute some of Connory's verses to Doctor Linna Beorht. Kalo-Kaa: The Tomcat Sheriff toys with crime On Trevel'ka and Isen Prime Fastidious 'mid sentient grime He's honour's exile, biding time Remember me to Ardustaar I faithful served in peace and war I suffer persecution sore Yet honour is worth fighting for Rhiannon DeVij: Crustacean Lord of Not-Quite-Sith Scion of a queen of myth May have flesh and may have not But does exactly what he's taught Halla Kitani Kaijus: Sold virtue for power Sold children in vain The Blinded Jade Empress Can neither regain Slade: Slade Boar-hunter, free from shame Has daughters more than he can name A faster draw you'll never find As Velok found when in a bind Ashin Varanin: The Leafghost steals, the Leafghost kills But never does it for the thrills Wishing that her heart would warm Lighthouse in an endless storm Order, Justice, Strength and Peace In this code she finds release A way to leave the bitter place That's trapped her soul since Velok's race The blood is poison in her veins A pharmacy of aches and pains A gift from those who wished her ill Now Ashin's twisted blood can kill They took my family and my friends And bent my powers to their ends If the choice were up to me The Dark Side's Lord I wouldn't be Ashin Blue Eyes can't escape The echoes of Arcanix rape So near averted - at what cost? Now perhaps her soul is lost She wields the Force by thinking Dark But justice is her maker's mark She's more a Jedi now than they Who scoff because she fell away Kalja Sairu Leidias: The demigoddess loves her snake And leaves the Order for his sake Forgets Red Viper's former cause When you picked me up, you knew what I was Sivter: With Charonandwith Cult recruits He shook the cosmos in its boots When Sivter raised his shadowed claw I, personally, hid in the Maw He ate two souls, and he'll eat yours too Ol' Shadowthrone Sivter has more to do In Chaos than when he e'er drew breath Pray his machinations all end in death Daer'Gunn: Daer'Gunn scares the young and wise That's 'righteous' anger in those eyes He'll cut you up and throw you out And never feel the slightest doubt Freedom Nadd: Cry Freedom, and let slip the strills of war As Sith he found his fame and lost his soul As Jedi he was fractious, young and vain As family Mando, honour he regains ...by bounty hunting As Kormoran wheels overhead Our Freedom must attack and not defend All this is bait to bring him down But murd'rers too can learn to stand up strong Damascus: The Eunuch Lord, in true responsibility Appoints a Regent for his masculinity And compensates for all his missing privacy By Cleansing thoroughly the Moffs' apostasy His rule, they say, might lack testosterone Perhaps he compensates with battlemoons Most hated above all non-men alive Our Emperor Damascus cannot swive! Faye Ward: She's Faye, by which we mean to say A little mad, but that's okay She bit and scratched and wooed Sigarr Pushed celibacy pretty far Rach Kol-Rekali: Rach Kol-Rekali, Jedi man-slut Loves the women, and he gluts Himself upon the charms of Alliera A daddy now, but not a charming fella ...unless you're a girl Ember Rekali: Ember Rekali never remembers How many poor little Sith he dismembered When killing Anari in Lyn-Char's thrall His 'old-school ethics' slaughtered them all Benna Kol-Rekali: Little Benna Kol-Rekali Got knocked up in some dark alley By a certain godling pimply Such angst cannot be resolved simply Mikhail Sage: Mikhail Sage, a pimply god Is sleeping with an older broad The daughter of a Council member Mikhail should not anger Ember Pimply God, I pray to thee Cure Oedipal complexity For I know you understand Iara left you so unmanned Jace Vintari: Jace Vintari, Sith Assassin Trusted Prince, after a fashion Jedi Council's newest puppet All the Padawans try to tap that Leroy Lesdraid: Leroy Lesdraid, the hooded knife The Gentle Death, he'll take your life Neimoidians use Lesdraid for sport With random women he cavorts Darius Malakai, Maris Eterna: Of Malakai I fear to sing The vampire lord knows everything If Maris gets me I won't fight The Spider Queen knows how to bite Cair Alana: If Cair Alana eats my eyes I shall ask her to sterilize Her tools and instruments, and I Will give my organs up and die Maris Eterna, Cair Alana, Vexis Salitte: Three daughters served the vampire lord Though born to others, kin by blood Eternal, though Rach tried his best He failed and wept like all the rest Maris Eterna, Brembla Kol-Rekali: The Spider Queen she fought the Cyborg Both were frequent denizens of morgues The Spider lost and crawled away The Cyborg won and died that day Banner Ton: The greatest traitor I ever did see Admiral Ton, Empire's Xen'Chi He purged and he Cleansedandhe made his mark 'Til Thrawn left him broken in the dark Mitth'raw'nuruodo: Mitth'raw'nuruodo, Regent of all Must oversee the Empire's fall In another time, he might have won The Xen'Chi brought his Empire down Garrett G. Granth IVandcompany: Garrett Granth once smoked with me A dubious honour, for you see There's few with whom I do not share it As honour-badge I deign to wear it Remember Vailhai, all Mon Cal 'Twas Garrett's captain and his pal He drowned a Cultist witch in vain She put a crowbar through his brain Tsivoin Ulderis: They call him Tsivoin Ulderis They're unsure who his Master is Or who taught him to kick such butt This Jedi's just a slumdog mutt LT, a Stormtrooper: He's the man they call LT A stormie in good company All he needs to handle Ardin Is plasteel and his E-11 Lork Durd: Great Baron Durd, Neimoidia Gives out a great collective 'huh?' When from your relative obsolescence You manufacture independence Lork Durd, the brand new Trade Monarch Claimed independence on a lark In dubious deals with old Hoersch-Kessel Lork Durd obtained his plenteous vessels A fleet did he create, Lork Durd Ships with the firepower of turds But landing craft descend like birds Neimoidians never stick to words Gezer Drezer: Gezer Drezer, Bothan with flair Gezer Drezer, Cartelier Covets hypercommunications Without much ethical foundation Romivan Lago (with Annora Mire' and Ashin Varanin): Romivan Lago pays for lovers 'Cause nobody else will have him He fares less well, as he discovers With Annora Miré and Varanin He picked a fight with the good and right And with the Sith as well He and his cult must quickly take flight Or Varanin will send him to Hell Linna Beorht: Linna Beorht - ah, who can say Why that girl turned out that way Brilliant and promiscuous Her daddy shouldn't make a fuss ...cause he was a fething hypocrite